Lilypie - Memorial

Josh

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Thoughts

Mom reminded me I haven't posted in a while - so here's an attempt.

I've so many thoughts running through my head lately. The countdown to due date is 67 days. That seems like a long time, but it's really just 2 months. We're mostly ready. I have most of what I need to get us through 2 weeks or so. People have really been amazingly generous. I've received many items (some expensive) for free! I know that is a major blessing from God.

I told a friend yesterday that there's a part of me that's resisting putting the baby's name to things - right now, it's a baby's room, not yet HIS room. I'm making a Christmas stocking, and I won't put his name on it until later - right now, it could be any baby's stocking. A bit of self-preservation, perhaps. I know that my God is faithful and true. He promises to work all things together for good for me. He promises that He plans to give me hope and a future. My life is in His hands, as is the life of our future child. Whether or not this situation works the way I have it planned - He is the author of my life story, and he knows how it ends, and all the chapters in between. I will continue to lean on Him, in times of doubt, anxiety, joy, fear, frustration, uncertainty, overwhelmedness (is that a word?), unrestrained happiness. He's felt all those emotions before, and He certainly understands when I do.

That said - I do believe that Joshua will be coming home with us later this summer. I'm so excited to meet him. Joshua's birthmom invited me to come to her ultrasound appointment with her on Friday. I can't wait!! Hearing his heartbeat and seeing him move will be completely amazing, and definitely unforgettable. I'm praying health and wholeness will be evident on the screen. I've also been invited to be in the delivery room when Joshua is born. Wow. Now I just have to figure out what to do with him when he is home. I've always been able to send babies home before - this one will be with me 24/7.

Does the nesting instinct set in for adoptive moms? I don't know - but it will certainly keep me busy over these next 2 months...doing all the laundry, gathering the last few baby items needed. And just hoping and praying. For all of you who are hoping and praying right along with us, I can't tell you how much it means.

For now - that's all I have. I'll post again after the ultrasound on Friday.

2 comments:

Rose C said...

You know, it is kind of freeing that you spoke of not being able to name things. I birthed Colin from my body, and I wasn't really able to do that. It wasn't until I heard him cry, that I was able to accept him and realize that I was really having/had a baby.
Disappointment seems to do that to a person. I will say though, it's awfully sweet when you finally realize, God did THIS.

sarah said...

I loved reading your thoughts today!