Poem

I found this poem today in a magazine, and wanted to share it with you.

Wait
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming Your word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking; and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still...Wait."

4th Picture Blogger Tag

Rose tagged me - so here goes....here are the rules...

1.
Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer.
2.
Select the 4th picture in the folder, insert it into a post.
3.
Explain the picture.
4.
Tag 4 people to do the same.
5.
NO CHEATING (cropping, editing, etc.)



This was on our first anniversary weekend at Great Wolf Lodge in Wisconsin Dells, WI... not a great picture, because I don't think either of us is actually in it. But it shows the indoor waterpark.

Ok, I tag Kimberly, Mandy, Sunny, and Sarah.

Baby Jesus

Joshua played Baby Jesus in a Christmas program today. He was perfect, of course. I got to play his mama, Mary. Chris did not play Joseph...in fact, 2 different guys did. They were both great, but, of course, not being Josh's father, didn't interact with him much. And it got me thinking....

God asked a lot of Mary, didn't he? What he asked of her required a lot of faith, trust, and blind obedience. But maybe he asked more of Joseph. Yes, they both faced ridicule, the shame of a child out of wedlock. They likely faced disbelief from their friends and families when they tried to explain the miracle. Joseph was there through the journey to Bethlehem, and the subsequent birth, influx of visitors, and the flight to Egypt. So what?

Well, think about it this way. As I was sitting with my son today, with him in the manger, pointing out the shepherds and kings who were bringing gifts, "Joseph" wasn't doing much. But then he wouldn't have, would he? Moms did most of the caring with babies...there wasn't much for dads to do, especially back then.

But once the baby was weaned, the mother's job was done. So what was the father's task then? To train his son as apprentice, teach him the Scriptures, and find him a wife...

Jesus spent several years with his mother as a very young child, but he reached a certain age where his earthly father took over the lion's share of his upbringing. What an enormous responsibility laid on Joseph. He had not only carried his family through shame, danger, hardship, and being away from family, he now had to train up the very Son of God.

I find it amazing that God entrusted ordinary humans with this job. If He could trust them to raise His Son, what is He looking to trust us with? Are our minds and hands open to accept his task?

Pics

Rose asked for more pictures....happy to oblige...

Thanksgiving

Joshua is the only baby on both sides of the family (not for long...congrats, Jason & Lorraine!). There was much to be thankful for this year, and his smiling, cooing, precious baby presence made the holiday so much sweeter.

Here is what I was thankful for last year....I'll see if anything has changed....

for Chris. He has been so faithful and true throughout our marriage. I've never had reason to doubt or distrust him. I've now learned what an absolutely amazing daddy he is. Seeing him interact with our son is a pleasure.
...for my family. My parents, brother, and extended family are my support and lifeline. They pray daily for us, and I know they will be richly rewarded for their investment in our lives. I'm so thankful that their hearts were open right away to Joshua. He is truly part of this family, and that means the world to me.
...great in-laws. Seriously, I couldn't ask for a better family. I appreciate their humor, commitment, and generosity. Again, they accepted Joshua with open arms and hearts, and he is so blessed to have them in his life.
...our new home. God has so richly blessed us with this beautiful house we now call home. Yes, still thankful - lots has changed in this little house - and I don't mean just the baby stuff. We're happy here and that's important.
...my friends. Those of you who are my friends, know that I don't make friends easily or quickly, and that I take friendship very seriously. Your loyalty and steadfastness have made all the difference. I have made at least 1 new, close friend and hopefully enhanced my other friendships. I hope this year to meet some new mom friends.
...my dog. She provides so much joy to us! She's also wonderful with Josh.
...my church family. They truly are like family to us. I know God has great plans for us as a body, and He is faithful! We've grown this year, and are reaching out in new and exciting ways. Praise the Lord.
...health. In spite of minor aches and pains, I thank God for his healing touch on both of us, and His protection. I'm also thankful for a healthy little boy.
...a good job. In fact, a job I love, which is so much more than I could ask for. And, in this economy, a fairly recession-proof one!
...a faithful God. Time and time again, He's proven Himself. When I've doubted, He's come through every time - not always how I think He should, but always perfectly.
Oh, my....I need Him more than ever before. How else can I be a good mom, a respectful wife, a loving daughter, a devoted friend, a wise teacher, and a sanctified Christ follower? That's a tall order, and there's no way to do it without Him.

I hope you found some things to be thankful for this year. I know that I have!

Dedication

Joshua was dedicated at church this morning. We are privileged to have a church family that has been praying for us throughout this adoption process, and to share with them the joy of dedicating our son to God this morning was a treasure. We also welcomed our extended family to see Joshua dedicated to God. All of Joshua's grandparents were there, both uncles, and 3 great-grandparents, as well as a great aunt and an honorary aunt! What a blessing to have so many there to witness our commitment to raise our son to be a Christ-follower.

We are blessed by pastoral staff at our church that we don't just consider pastors, but friends. They prayed for us and will continue to pray as we raise our son in the "training and admonition of the Lord".


We celebrated with lunch at Old Country Buffet. Joshua was wonderful, as usual. He turns 3 months old tomorrow, and we're proud to call him our son. With God's help, we hope to raise Him to love Jesus with all his heart.

Home for 1 month

Joshua has been home for one month. We think we've adjusted pretty well. In the last month, he's traveled to both Grandma and Grandpa's houses, made it through several church services, and a couple of baby showers, been to school 3 times, shopping many times, the doctor once (he got 4 shots), learned to suck his thumb, started smiling (not a lot, but occasionally we see a peek of one), and started sleeping through the night. That's quite an accomplishment for a little guy.

He's not such a little guy anymore though, he weighed 13 lbs. 9 oz at his 2 month appt, and that was 2 weeks ago!! He charms everyone he meets with his chubby cheeks and good looks, and is pretty laidback, unless he's hungry or gassy.

Today was a visit with M, Joshua's birthmom. She was glad to see him. We spent a few hours walking around the mall and talking. The best part for me was that at the end of the visit, I got to bring him home. He's ours - no going back. We have to wait for March or April to finalize the adoption, but there's no question that this little boy belongs in this family.

Over the next month, I expect even more changes. He will be dedicated at church on November 2, and get his 3 month pictures taken. He will dress as a pea pod for Halloween, and I'm sure I'll see some more smiles, and maybe even a rollover....this mama can't wait.

I go back to work on Monday. Part of me is ready, as I love my job, and the adult interaction I get there. However, I don't want to miss anything that Josh does. I'm thankful and very blessed to have wonderful daycare set up and I know he'll get great care with both his "babysitters".

8 weeks old

Joshua is now 8 weeks old, and has been home for 10 days! We are adjusting to life as a family of 3, and both of us, though very tired, are thoroughly enjoying our new son.

Joshua can hold his head up very well! Here's a picture of him doing just that:


He's been welcomed with 2 parties so far, and 2 more to come. The first was at Grandma and Grandpa's house in Fond du Lac. He got to meet all of his great aunts and uncles and we took both 4-generation pictures with Chris's family.



We also had a shower today for the Meixner side of the family as well as many friends from work, church, and life. I cannot believe how many clothes my son has!! Way more than Chris or I do.

We had our first post-placement visit with our social worker on Thursday. We talked for a while about adjustment and what to expect next, and she was very helpful. We meet with her again around Christmas for a 3-month check.

Joshua has his 2 month well-baby check on Monday, October 6. I expect him to weigh at least 13 pounds. He's growing like a weed. Sleeping pretty well, and eating a lot too. I think he's been going through a growth spurt, because he's been sleeping most of the day and at night too.

He's home

And this is the result of our very stimulating evening....

Big Day

Today's the court hearing to terminate M's parental rights. I didn't sleep a wink last night. We are praying for the best possible outcome. One of two things will happen. All will go smoothly, her rights will be terminated, and the agency will call us to tell us we can go get Joshua. The other thing that could happen is that Joshua's birthfather could show up at court and contest the adoption, in which case the judge would order him to get a DNA test. This would delay everything. I don't know how long it would delay things, that's up to the judge. If the DNA test shows that this man is not Joshua's father, then we can bring Joshua home.

There is still lots of room for prayer! Please, those of you who are pray-ers, we'd love to be in yours today.

I'll post again tonight or tomorrow morning and let you know what happens.

1 month old

Joshua turned 1 month old this past Wednesday. He had his dr. appt. on Wednesday, and is already up to 10 lbs. 12 oz. Mama is putting away some clothes that will be too small!!! He's just as cute as ever, and starting to spend more time awake, especially in the mornings. His foster family loves him, and they are all wonderful with him. I've been privileged to spend lots of time in their home, and I feel so good knowing that Joshua is in this safe place for now.

Chris and I will go visit on Saturday, and we'll get to spend the whole day with him. I'm hoping to convince Chris to try a diaper change - we'll see if I can talk him in to it.

We still plan on bringing Joshua home on September 17th. M, Joshua's birthmom, will have her court hearing that day, and assuming all goes well, then we will meet at the foster home. We will have a placement ceremony, where M releases Joshua to us. I'm told it's very symbolic and meaningful, and there probably won't be a dry eye in the house. We've invited Grandmas and Grandpas and Uncles Michael and Paul to be at our house waiting for us when we get home with Joshua. What a beautiful day of rejoicing that will be!

Joshua is strong and healthy, and I know that God has wonderful things in store for him. I look forward to seeing what his life will hold.

21 Days

We have a date for the court hearing to terminate the birthparents' parental rights - September 17th. This means that if all goes as planned, Joshua will be coming home on the 17th. We still continue to pray for a smooth process, as there are a few sticky points that may be an issue in the next 3 weeks.

Daniel

Remember this little guy?




He would have been 1 year old today, if he had lived. I looked through the beautiful scrapbook my mom made and thought of Daniel's birthmom. This must be a hard day for her. I'm blessed to have shared that time with him. 1 year ago, I didn't even know about him. Now, a year later, I have lived through the heartbreak of losing him, the overwhelming joy of seeing Joshua born, the frustration of not having him home with me, and the hope of what's to come.

Family photo

Here's our first family photo. There are more photos - use the link on the right to see them.

We continue to go about twice a week to the interim care home to visit Joshua. We are hoping to hear early next week about when the court date will be. There are still some legal issues pending, but we're praying they are quickly resolved.

First doctor's appointment

I got to go to Joshua's doctor appt with him today. Everything looks good, he weighs 8 pounds now. His interim care home is wonderful, and I truly felt like mama today. I was able to do everything with him, and it felt great. Still not sure how long he'll have to be there, hoping he'll be able to come home soon.

Joshua Michael

We visited Joshua again today, and he's just about as perfect as can be. Those of you who know me on facebook can see some more of the pictures we took.

We have been hoping all along for what is called a "legal risk" placement. That basically means that the baby comes directly home with us from the hospital, before the termination of parental rights. It's risky, because it's during the period when the birthmom can change her mind.

Unfortunately, it looks like we will not be able to have the legal risk placement. Due to some legal issues and DNA/paternity testing, Joshua will likely be going to interim care while all these things are sorted out. I have met the woman whose home he will be going to, and she seemed very nice. Chris & I can visit whenever we want to. It's certainly not the easiest situation for everyone, but it's the safest way to preserve as much of our attachment and emotions as possible. As soon as these issues are sorted out, providing everyone is still consenting to the adoption, Joshua would be able to come to our home.

We ask for your continued prayers for our family. This is a time of great joy, but also a difficult time of uncertainty and struggle. Thank you for all your encouragement to us and all the congratulations! We hope that our boy will be able to come home soon.

Welcome Baby Boy!!

Joshua Michael was born at 10:56 a.m. on Sunday, August 3. He weighed in at 7 lbs. 10.6 oz and 19 inches long. I was privileged to be in the OR when he was born via c-section. Shortly afterward, I got to go back where they were caring for him while the doctors finished with the surgery. I was the first to hold him, and carried him in to get a hug and kiss from his very brave birthmom. I also fed him a bit of his bottle, given to raise his low blood sugar, and held him for almost an hour while birthmom slept. He looked right at me with beautiful dark blue eyes for several minutes, and held tightly to my finger.

We are blessed and amazed beyond belief. Please continue to pray that all the pieces come together and all the paperwork is signed for us to bring this wonderful, handsome, amazing little boy home later this week.

C-section scheduled

I found on Friday that my boy is sort of pear shaped....normal sized head, big belly. I think of him affectionately as "Pudgy Pie". Anyway, what that all means is that he likely won't be born the traditional way. The doctor has scheduled a c-section for Joshua's birthmom on Tuesday, August 12th at 1:00. Of course, she may go into labor before that, as he is now full-term (37 weeks) and could come at any time. Even if he came now, they would most likely still do the c-section. I will be able to be there at the hospital, though not in surgery with her. I'm hoping to follow him to the nursery and watch those first few moments, and get lots of pictures. Unfortunately, you won't get to see them until later that evening. Chris plans on coming to the hospital after work that evening to spend a few hours with our baby. Then, assuming all goes well, we will come back later that week to pick him up and bring him home.

If you pray for us, we would appreciate prayers for good sleep and freedom from fear and worry. Those who know me know that my bent is toward worrying. I'm really working hard at not doing it, but it creeps in once in a while. I know that my God is in control and that He plans for my good. Thanks in advance for your prayers.

4D ultrasound pictures

I don't know how familiar you are with the world of ultrasound technology. Generally, ultrasound pictures of babies or anything else for that matter are the pretty grainy looking black and white ones like the one I posted previously. That's what we expected to get at M's ultrasound appt. on Friday (34 weeks 5 days). Well, they were training their techs on a new machine, and so we got 4D pictures. Normally, these specialized ultrasounds are a couple of hundred dollars, but since we had to put up with the training going on, we got free ones. They're quite amazing. I've added some labels to help you see, but it might take staring at it for a while before you can really make out Joshua's face.

In other news, he weighs 6 lbs. 4 oz. and is evidently quite chubby. For this reason, the doctor has decided to schedule a c-section on Monday, August 11. This news was met with mixed reactions. I'm not sure any mom welcomes news of surgery, but it does put a more definite date in the mix (although she could still go into labor before that). I may not be in the room when he's born, as we had planned, since she's only allowed to have one other person.

M is still having difficulty regulating her blood sugars and so they are seeing her twice a week for careful monitoring of her and Joshua. We continue to hope and pray for the best, and for each unknown circumstance to be worked out according to God's perfect plan for Joshua and for us.

Vacation

We had a wonderful relaxing time...here's a recap and a few photos.

Friday, 6/27 : Drove up to Cedarville, Michigan (Upper Peninsula) to Loon's Point Campground. We stopped in Peshtigo, WI on the way up to visit the Peshtigo fire museum. Drove up along the shore of beautiful Lake Michigan.

Saturday, 6/28 : Drove to St. Ignace, MI, and took the ferry across the Straits of Mackinac to Mackinac Island. The ferry stopped out by the Mackinac Bridge, a 5 mile long bridge connecting the Upper Peninsula to Michigan. There are no motorized vehicles on Mackinac Island, so we took a horse and carriage tour of the island, including the butterfly house and old fort. We saw the "Grand Hotel", made famous by the movie "Somewhere in Time", but as it's $15 just to get on to the porch, we opted to eat lunch at the fort instead. Here's us on the carriage.



Sunday, 6/29 : Had breakfast with cousins who live in Cedarville and attended church with them. In the afternoon, we visited a small Maritime museum, and also the Cedarville historical museum. Spent the rest of the day relaxing at the campground.

Monday, 6/30 : Drove up to Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan with cousin Norman Perkins to cross the International Bridge into Canada. In Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario, we caught the Agawa Canyon Tour Train. This train took us 114 miles north into Ontario, passing beautiful lakes and scenery. We crossed several train trestles as well. After a 4 hour train ride, the train took us to Agawa Canyon, where we ate lunch and took some beautiful pictures of waterfalls. We then journeyed back to Sault Ste. Marie by train, across the bridge, through Canadian customs, and then home to the campground.

Bridal Veil Falls, Agawa Canyon, Ontario, Canada


Tuesday, 7/1: Relaxed in camp. In the evening, Chris & dad went on a charter fishing trip on Lake Huron. They caught 2 king salmon, and 7 lake trout, each at least 8 pounds, and 22 inches long. (Although the sizes change each time they tell the story, as all fish tales do!) If you're ever in that area, check out www.fishingwithnorm.com

Wednesday, 7/2 : Drove up to Sault Ste. Marie again and took the Soo Locks Tour. This boat tour takes visitors by the International bridge, through one of four American locks connecting Lakes Superior and Huron. The water level changes by 26 feet from one lake to another, so locks were built to enable the huge cargo ships to pass through. We returned via the Canadian locks. We then toured a cargo ship restored to how it might have looked when it was in use during the early 1900s, and also contained an exhibit about the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Thursday, 7/3 : After a relaxing morning, mom and I headed across the Straits of Mackinac into Mackinaw City, Michigan for some shopping and sightseeing. We toured a colonial fort, walked through the many shops, saw a movie, and had pizza and ice cream. Meanwhile, Chris and dad stayed at camp and dined on cereal (poor guys!) and organized a camp volleyball game.

Friday, 7/4 : Attended the 4th of July parade in the morning, grilled out with family, and watched the fireworks from the boat dock at the campground

Saturday, 7/5 : Long drive back to Wisconsin.

Now we are counting down the days (42) and weeks (6) until Joshua arrives.

Thanks for reading!

32 weeks 1 day

Joshua's birthmom had a non-stress test today, which Joshua passed with flying colors!! Everything looks good. I also got to meet the prenatal counselor who's been working with the birthmom through her pregnancy. The next ultrasound appointment will be on July 11. Hopefully, Joshua won't be shy, and we'll get some good pictures.

Chris & I are heading up to the Upper Peninsula with my parents camping later this week through next week. We expect to have a wonderful, relaxing time. I'll post pictures when we get back.

Thanks for your continued prayers and encouragement - we still need them!

30 weeks 5 days

I spent my afternoon with Joshua and his birthmom. We had lunch and shopped a little bit, and then went to the hospital for his ultrasound. He was feeling a bit shy today, and was hiding his face behind his hands, so we didn't get any good face or profile views. We did see (and hear) his heart (141 beats per minute), his spine, his brain, and his femur. The doctor said everything looks great, he's weighing in at 4 lbs. 2 oz. (with 9 weeks to go!!). His tummy is measuring a bit large, so they want birthmom to watch her blood sugar carefully. Otherwise, the appt was uneventful. No pics - but I felt incredibly blessed to be a part of it.

Thoughts

Mom reminded me I haven't posted in a while - so here's an attempt.

I've so many thoughts running through my head lately. The countdown to due date is 67 days. That seems like a long time, but it's really just 2 months. We're mostly ready. I have most of what I need to get us through 2 weeks or so. People have really been amazingly generous. I've received many items (some expensive) for free! I know that is a major blessing from God.

I told a friend yesterday that there's a part of me that's resisting putting the baby's name to things - right now, it's a baby's room, not yet HIS room. I'm making a Christmas stocking, and I won't put his name on it until later - right now, it could be any baby's stocking. A bit of self-preservation, perhaps. I know that my God is faithful and true. He promises to work all things together for good for me. He promises that He plans to give me hope and a future. My life is in His hands, as is the life of our future child. Whether or not this situation works the way I have it planned - He is the author of my life story, and he knows how it ends, and all the chapters in between. I will continue to lean on Him, in times of doubt, anxiety, joy, fear, frustration, uncertainty, overwhelmedness (is that a word?), unrestrained happiness. He's felt all those emotions before, and He certainly understands when I do.

That said - I do believe that Joshua will be coming home with us later this summer. I'm so excited to meet him. Joshua's birthmom invited me to come to her ultrasound appointment with her on Friday. I can't wait!! Hearing his heartbeat and seeing him move will be completely amazing, and definitely unforgettable. I'm praying health and wholeness will be evident on the screen. I've also been invited to be in the delivery room when Joshua is born. Wow. Now I just have to figure out what to do with him when he is home. I've always been able to send babies home before - this one will be with me 24/7.

Does the nesting instinct set in for adoptive moms? I don't know - but it will certainly keep me busy over these next 2 months...doing all the laundry, gathering the last few baby items needed. And just hoping and praying. For all of you who are hoping and praying right along with us, I can't tell you how much it means.

For now - that's all I have. I'll post again after the ultrasound on Friday.

20 week ultrasound picture

Birthmother's Day

Did you know that the day before Mother's Day is Birthmother's Day? I can't tell you how much I admire the two birthmoms I have been privileged to meet. Daniel's mom was incredibly brave and responded to us with dignity and a quiet peace. I don't know Joshua's mom very well yet, but I know that she chose life for him. What a precious gift. I hope in the years to come he will be able to express how he feels and thank her for the choice she made.

Happy Mother's Day to all you who are mothers. You are heroes!

Contact

I got an email from M today. It's so nice to have a way to communicate. I think about how easy it will be to share photographs of the baby in the future. For those of you wondering, the email address I gave her is non-identifying. We haven't shared last names or addresses, and the contact info she has is non-identifying. We want to be able to communicate, but not necessarily share everything. She seems pleased that we want to be involved with things before the baby's born, like dr. appts and things. I told her that we're praying for both her and the baby and suggested a few dates when we could meet again before he's born.

Chosen

I received a voice mail at work today from our social worker - the birthmom, M, has chosen us to parent her baby BOY!!! We are excited and cautious, and anxious, and everything else rolled into one.

The baby is due August 17th - about a week before Daniel's birthday would have been - what a blessing from God to shower that time with happiness for us.

It's going to be a long 4 months!! We'll keep you posted as new developments arise, but this is a GIANT step in the right direction.

A Year and a Day

It's been 1 year and 1 day since our official approval by the agency, but almost 3 and a half years since we attended our informational meeting to being the process. It was one of the questions the birthmom asked us - how long have we been trying to adopt...it's a multi-layered question. Technically? 1 year and 1 day. Emotionally? Since that very first informational meeting - and maybe before that. October 2004 would be when this journey emotionally started.

We received our new foster home license in the mail. It's a provisional license, as our last one was, designed for pre-adoptive foster placement only. But it was nice to get in the mail - one deep breath taken, because it meant there were no hitches in the update of our home study.

As we move in to this second year of "official" waiting - I'm reminded that MOST couples get their baby within 2 years of approval. If we are like most, then by this time next year, we should have our little one. However, SOME go as long as 4 years - as unbearable as that seems now - God has a plan and perfect timing. We're trusting Him.

I continue to pray for M, the mom we met on Tuesday. She's going through a whole lot emotionally right now, and is only halfway through her pregnancy. She's got major decisions to make, and definitely needs God's help making them.

Now we wait and wonder...

Well, our meeting this afternoon went well. I am always impressed by these mom's bravery in considering adoption, and today was no different. She asked us questions, and we got to talk to her and share some photos with her. I ended by telling her that I pray she makes the best decision for her baby, whether that's us or the other couple. Now we just have to wait and see.

Thank you to all of you who are praying for us and for this situation. We'll update as we find out...

UPDATE - Wednesday afternoon.
Our SW let us know that this mom is waiting until after her gender ultrasound on April 4th to make her decision.

Meeting

We have a meeting set up on Tuesday afternoon with a mom who is due in August. She'll be meeting with 2 families whose profiles she liked, and then making her decisions from there.

I was at a point a few nights ago of wanting to put all the baby stuff away in the basement where I couldn't see it anymore. I decided that night that I would resign myself to never having kids, and just live vicariously through friends, and enjoy my students and the kiddos at church. By morning, I was a little calmer, and God gave me sweet rest that night - I remembered that it's a year of HOPE. As I told a friend a while ago, if I can remember these three things - God loves me, God has a plan, and He works for my good - then I don't get discouraged. God has been so faithful through this whole process.

Anyway, please pray. Not just that our meeting will go well, but that this mom will make the right decision for her baby. Whether or not that's us. Of course, we'd love for it to be us, but most of all, we want the best for the baby.

Longing for a Baby: What my life is like

Taken from an article by MaDonna Medley

To wake me up in the mornings, I need an alarm clock because there are no little ones to jump onto my bed urging me to wake up.

I take my time getting ready in the mornings, because I don't have anyone to dress but myself.

Instead of changing diapers, I pick up after the dog.

Instead of preparing lunch for school, I pour fresh food and water for the dog.

Instead of tiny fingerprints on my front door, I have old stains because I haven't cleaned the glass in a few months.

I have no clue what it's like to have a dryer full of little clothes that are "so aggravating" to fold.

I don't have a diaper genie, but I do have a nursery that's quiet and clean.

My refrigerator is covered with pictures of friends' children because I haven't had the opportunity to capture the beauty in the faces of my own.

My husband and I don't have any family portraits, because we don't have a "family".

We haven't had our picture taken since our wedding, because we feel incomplete.

There are no toys filling every area of my living room floor, only dirt dragged in by our shoes.

When I want to have a quiet moment, all I have to do is turn off the TV.

The only birthday parties we celebrate are those of other children.

We feel like the odd couple at church, because everyone else has children.

No, I don't know what labor pains feel like.

No, I don't know what it feels like to carry the world in your womb for 9 months.

I've never heard, "I love you, Mommy!"

If you have never experienced the pain of infertility, you can't relate. However, you can pray for us. We long to have what you have. If we don't congratulate you right away, or if we walk out of the room during a dedication or baptism, please don't be offended. These moments remind us of what's missing.

Don't miss an opportunity to hug, kiss, or play with your kids. Take advantage of every moment you have with them. Take care of them and raise them to love the Lord. And never miss the opportunity to tell them you love them.

For those who know what we're feeling, stay strong! Love those who have what you long for. Most important, pray for them. Be happy for them, even when it hurts the most. Trust in Jesus!

Jesus is...

Who is my Jesus? (click here to see...)

My Jesus is mighty, He is wonderful, He is powerful. He is faithful and true. He is God Almighty, the Keeper of promises and the perfecter of my faith. He is my Father, my Brother, and my Friend. He is all-sufficient for every need. He is more than enough.

Quiet

There's not been much to say recently. I check out some friend's blogs - friends who are mommies already, or friends who are going through IVF, and they post almost every day with something new. There just isn't a lot of new news. One thing I've discovered about this process - it involves a lot of waiting.

Back in October, when there was almost a daily update about Daniel, I looked forward to getting on and sharing with everyone. Posting to the blog was a way of reliving the special memories I had and of sharing them with those who read it. Now - I don't want to bore anyone with mundane details, and most people aren't reading unless I send a specific update anyway. Still, as a new blogger, I feel obligated to add something at least once a month...and it's been since January since I added.

I wish there was news to share. We've received quite a few calls/emails from our new social worker, Heather, with information about moms that have requested to view profiles. If the situation is unique in some way, or a situation we indicated we'd rather discuss first, the agency asks if we want our profile included in the ones that they show. Some we have said no to, and some yes. It's always hard to say no. It feels like we're turning down an opportunity. There are various reasons, and Chris and I both have to be on the same page.

In the meantime, they're redoing our foster care license for our new home, waiting for me to get organized and send them one remaining paper. Those of you who know me well are saying, "what, Rachel's not organized??" Yes, for some reason, in this, I keep forgetting. It doesn't hold up anything, it just needs to be done.

So if you're reading this, it's no major news...we're living life as patiently as possible. Planning some home improvements, and going about our jobs as usual. It's been almost 11 months since official approval of our home study and I'm told the average wait time is 2 years. So we're still well below average.

Goodbye, Maggie!

Just want to take this opportunity to thank our social worker at Bethany, Maggie, whose last day was today. She was instrumental in our home study approval, and very supportive throughout the whole process with Daniel. We thank the Lord for her hard work and dedication, and wish her the best as she is able to be home with her children.

We have a new social worker that we have yet to meet, but are sure that things will continue going well. We're hoping lots of birthmoms are getting a chance to look at our profile, and that the right one comes a long soon.

Rollercoaster

Our profile was shown today. It was so weird - I was thinking all the way home from work yesterday that our social worker was going to call, and when I got home, there was a voice mail on my cell. When there are unusual situations that come up with birthmoms, they check with families to see if we want our profiles shown or not. We got the details, and gave the go ahead to show it. The birthmom ended up going with a family that has had several failed matches. I thought about it all day today - I allowed hope to creep in - and I don't regret it. I'm glad she picked a family that has had lots of chances, and missed every time - I can't imagine going through it more than once. I know God picked that family for that baby - and it makes me happy. As much as we wanted to get picked, it wasn't right yet. But the hope isn't a bad thing - after all "hope deferred makes the heart sick", right? If you refuse to hope for anything, then what joy is there?

We hope to hear something soon about the perfect match for us.