Lilypie - Memorial

Josh

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

A crazy month

October was a completely crazy month for us. SO much has happened in less than 3 weeks, it's hard to fathom it all. Anyway, for those who are wondering, we are moved in and unpacked in our new house. It was a major undertaking and was done with the help of some wonderful family and friends, who pitched in and willingly helped with painting, packing, loading, unloading, cooking, and unpacking. We couldn't have done it without them.

We meet with our social worker tomorrow so that she can update our home study for the new house. I hope to get some information on how baby Daniel is doing, but I don't know how much she'll be able to tell us. He will always be special to me. I know God has a wonderful family all picked out for him - and we continue to pray health and rest for him as he is in the hospital. In the meantime, we are back on the list, and are trusting in God's perfect timing to bring a child to our family.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Goodbye

When I got in my car last night after visiting Daniel, the song on the radio was "Be Still and Know that He is God". Amazing...just the song that would speak to my heart. I held Daniel for almost an hour while I spoke with a doctor and a genetic counselor about his diagnosed condition. There are lots of unknowns, but, after talking with Chris, we made the heartbreaking decision that we won't be able to parent Daniel and provide him with the care he needs.

I've fallen in love with this boy already, and to let him go is so hard. I leave him in the arms of Almighty God, who loves him more than I, and has a family all picked out for him that can meet his needs. In the meantime, I'm thankful for these 2 weeks of knowing Daniel, praying for Daniel, holding and loving on him, and even changing those diapers. No one else could - and I had the privilege of doing that for him.

I praise the Lord that he weighs 4 lbs 9 oz now - up 2 pounds from birth by his 2 month birthday. I praise God that the neurologists don't think he had a seizure after all. I thank God that he doesn't have the brain condition they originally thought. God has come through in remarkable ways for this little guy - and I know his life will be a testimony to the faithfulness of God.

Here's the other song in my head -

"I'll praise You in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
that You are who You are
no matter where I am.

Every tear I cry,
You hold in Your hands,
You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in the storm."

Sunday, October 21, 2007

How small is he?


Some people have been asking how small Daniel really is...you can see in the pictures that he's sort of a "mini-baby", but it's hard to get the idea of how small he really is. He weighs 4 pounds, 5 ounces now, and hopefully this picture will provide some perspective. Those are our wedding rings...
Anyway, it turns out sometime in the last 4 days, since we were there Wednesday, Daniel acquired a staph infection that resulted in some cellulitis on his leg. He's been on antibiotics since Thursday, and the nurses tell me that the cellulitis is looking better every day. He also had an ear infection which gave him a perforated right eardrum. That should heal. There were a few temperature spikes during the course of the infection, and earlier this afternoon he had what appeared to be minor seizure activity. They loaded him up with phenobarbitol, and he has been sleeping peacefully all evening.
The time for prayer is certainly not over. I was reminded of a great Scripture today..."Now to Him who is able to keep you from falling..." I could easily fall into doubt and despair. I could easily fall into the "why me's". I could even fall into being angry at God. But what about the first part of that verse? "NOW TO HIM WHO IS ABLE!!!!" God is able. More than able. He is great, He does miracles so great. I have to trust Him for a miracle for my son. Each little issue that comes is one more thing for his tiny little body to fight against. But God IS able. Please keep praying for Daniel - and for Chris and I. We want to bring Daniel home whole and healthy, sound in body, mind, and spirit. I believe that is possible. We've heard from so many, even people we don't know, who are lifting this little man up in prayer...we want you to know that it blesses us beyond measure.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

No weapon formed...

I spoke with the resident doctor today. They did an MRI and are evidently concerned because Daniel doesn't have as many brain folds as they think he should have. They've run more tests and once the results are back, will be gathering a team of specialists to evaluate his test results and what should be done about them. It could be that he simply needs more time. The doctor said after 2 months they should see more, but I argue that he's only 35 weeks old...brain folds come with maturity and experience....it could be simply needing more. It also could be a fairly serious developmental disability, in which he would never really progress past infancy mentally.

Chris and I are trying really hard to be positive. Daniel's beautiful, he weighs 4 pounds now, he's started digesting his food better, his ventilator settings were lowered. This neurological issue is a big hurdle, but not bigger than God. My biggest concern, that is making my heart break, is I don't know if we can handle a severe developmental disability. What if we have to say no - we can't take him....after we've fallen in love with him...it's so hard.

We are praying for a miracle. I'm fasting this weekend to pray for OUR SON! No weapon formed against him shall prosper....we are more than conquerors...God knows every cell in his body and can make them whole and complete and astound doctors and nurses beyond the limits of their training. Will you please pray with us? Will you pray for our son, please? Pray that he is whole and healthy - I don't care if he's brilliant or athletic or handsome - but I do hope for him that he is free from pain and sickness and able to love and be loved and understand the beauty of life and family.

I want to visit him on Sunday and be filled with joy over the wonder of my beautiful boy, not sadness over what might be. Chris and I need strength and wisdom.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

New hospital, new pictures

This is Daniel's first eyes-open picture. He was awake when we arrived for a visit on Monday night. He was transferred to a different hospital for a closer look at his digestion issues. We're praying these new doctors will be able to solve the problem.






This is our first family picture! Other than the big bird costumes (he was in isolation after his transfer) we think this looks like a pretty great family...







And, finally, mama's first cuddle with her boy. The nurses rigged him up so that I could hold him. We rocked and sang...I must have been boring, because I put him right to sleep...no wait, sleeping baby is a good thing!!









Thanks for continuing to pray - we'll keep you updated!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A Big Big God


We visited baby Daniel again tonight, and were sad to hear he had to be put back on the ventilator after some breathing problems this morning. We're asking for lots of prayer to bring this little guy before our Heavenly Father for healing and good breathing.


We haven't gotten to hold him yet, but I did get to change what will be the first of many diapers tonight. :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Thank you!

Thank you so much for all of the prayers, good wishes, blessings, and congratulations! We're still recovering a bit from shock - but very humbled and excited to have the opportunity to parent Daniel. He's a precious little boy - who I think will be a very determined little one as he grows up. He's in the Milwaukee area, so we won't be able to see him every day, but will visit as often as possible. Check back for more pics...I'm sure we'll take some every time we're there.

Thanks again, dear friends and family. It means so much to have your support during this time.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Introducing....


Daniel Christopher, our beautiful new son. Daniel was born August 24th, approximately 12 weeks early. He is in NICU, but doing well. We hope to bring him home in late November. He is currently 3 pounds 11 ounces, and 16 inches long.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Back On Again

The meeting's rescheduled for next Tuesday. The birthparents are in agreement now, and the birthmom would like to meet us. The baby is still experiencing some breathing problems, but is gaining weight. He is 5 weeks old.