When I got in my car last night after visiting Daniel, the song on the radio was "Be Still and Know that He is God". Amazing...just the song that would speak to my heart. I held Daniel for almost an hour while I spoke with a doctor and a genetic counselor about his diagnosed condition. There are lots of unknowns, but, after talking with Chris, we made the heartbreaking decision that we won't be able to parent Daniel and provide him with the care he needs.
I've fallen in love with this boy already, and to let him go is so hard. I leave him in the arms of Almighty God, who loves him more than I, and has a family all picked out for him that can meet his needs. In the meantime, I'm thankful for these 2 weeks of knowing Daniel, praying for Daniel, holding and loving on him, and even changing those diapers. No one else could - and I had the privilege of doing that for him.
I praise the Lord that he weighs 4 lbs 9 oz now - up 2 pounds from birth by his 2 month birthday. I praise God that the neurologists don't think he had a seizure after all. I thank God that he doesn't have the brain condition they originally thought. God has come through in remarkable ways for this little guy - and I know his life will be a testimony to the faithfulness of God.
Here's the other song in my head -
"I'll praise You in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
that You are who You are
no matter where I am.
Every tear I cry,
You hold in Your hands,
You've never left my side
And though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in the storm."